I cried for Clayton last night. I miss him so much, but as my deeply thoughtful grandson messaged me today, it’s a blessing he slipped away when he did, otherwise I would be beside myself with worry about him as well. RIP my beautiful boy.
Tim came this morning to spend most of the day with me before having to return home for the working week. His stay with my eldest sister has been pleasant for him and it’s rather a comfort to know she isn’t too put out with having a male in her house again overnight. Being able to stay there means he can spend more time over the weekend with me rather than just a quick trip down for a few hours and then the 3 hour drive back possibly in the dark.
My little meltdowns continued this morning unfortunately.
With the aid of ear plugs, cotton wool balls and my scarf wrapped around my head to ensure they didn’t pop out, I got some goodish sleep from about 10pm till 1am to find the infernal noise of the neighbouring TV was still going and increased in volume, as my bladder raised the alarm that the saline bag had emptied and I needed to empty it further. Mr Ignoramus was snoring merrily, mouth wide open….tempting me to chuck a stone or something down his gullet, if only there was one to be found.
Or a team of surgeons would be handy……..
By the time I tossed and turned for the rest of the early hours of the morning, I finally fell asleep at 4am ….only to be woken again by the nurse for a BP reading which was high again naturally. My neck was really sore. It felt very swollen and tight and rather achy. I felt extreme sympathy for the Hunchback of Notre Dame with his lump on his back which wasn’t that much bigger than Heffy is really. Go Quasi….but Heffy is at the front.
As I am sure you all agree, things seem and feel so much worse in the dark of night. I was becoming a bit of a scaredy cat as to what was going on inside that neck but didn’t want to ring the buzzer. There are people plugged to machines that need the nurses far more than I do. Silly thinking because the imagination worked up a big sweat on me and Heffy sat back feeling quite amused and entertained, growing fatter with smugness the entire time.
I contacted my dear friend in London, Lorna, whose husband has been through this and won, this morning feeling close to desperation. Dear Lorna Adams-Sofroniou gave me some invaluable information and assurance in a calming, loving manner. So needed by this sook that I had become.
Tim arrived to a flood of tears around 8ish poor man. He probably wondered what the hell I was doing! Shortly after, my case doctor Ross arrived to examine me for more lumps and bumps and to let me know (Good News!) the platelets are doing the right thing and nothing has changed with Heffy’s occupation in other areas. Yaaaay! Something to be happy about – you would think, but no, I bawled and told Ross about my fat neck and how much it ached and how tired I was and on and on like a droning nagging housewife I went….
Ross is a young man but he has incredible understanding and compassion. He talked it all through with Tim and myself and calmed me down a lot. BP was taken, discussed, dismissed. All other vital signs and measurements were good and my weight has not moved either way. He understood too that I was disappointed in the fact that the steroids have not done magical things over the past two days and diminished this slug of a non-paying tenant in any way.
Ross went off to consult with his boss Anne Gillet (I think her surname is probably much more glamorous than that), a fine Registrar of the Hematology area. Anne is an older lady, petite, short hair, straight down the line with her information and responses….a woman after my own heart. She listened again so patiently to my fears, Tim helping along the way when too many blubbering words came out upside down. Her explanations for the tightness in the throat made so much sense….she asked if I had tried to lie down to sleep and of course I had. This pulls the lump back and constricts the blood vessels and glands in the neck and of course makes it uncomfortable to swallow, breathe, talk etc……I should have thought of that. Stupid huh?
So tonight I sleep sitting up….hopefully it will make for a lot less aches and discomfort.
Tests for tomorrow include ECG, Lung X Rays, more blood tests for every type of virus known to man due to our being to Europe last year and of course where I copped a virus! Platelets, coagulation and so on and so on….so much blood is taken each night and morning.
Then with luck if the arrangements have been made, I will be transferred to the left of this floor to Hematology for the setting up of those chemo doses being worked out as I type. I will miss some of the nurses from this ward and they put in a request that I return one day to say hello. Way down the track I reckon. Way way down……….
I have new inmates tonight. We are in the revolving (no not quite revolting lol) ward, it seems and now I have lost my quiet little mate with a sore throat – he’s gone home. In that bed I now have an old lady called Alma who has dementia. She has packed and unpacked her stuff about ten times already poor little soul, eaten her dinner very slowly and fussed about not having a bed jacket.
Over the way from her, is a young man but what ails him I don’t know. It will be interesting if Alma decides to wander tonight and tries to get into his bed, or maybe she will head for the bloody sound of the TV/radio and join Mr Ignoramus. Now that, I’d like to see!
It’s all good though. I am kind of looking forward to getting on with the next leg of this bumpy journey and thrashing Heffy to smithereens. I know you are all behind me in positive vibes and thoughts to make this job easier.
I’ve been through many hiccups in my life. Lost loved ones too young, had to grow up fast as a kid without my mother, cope with a dose of cancer in the 80s when a single mother working full time, and all the highs and lows we all experience in life. No big deal any of them. This is just another one to get round, go over or crawl under to get to the other side.
It won’t be long before I’m home again to cuddle my little Westie, Daisy Mae. Gosh I miss her so much. Tim is planning on smuggling her in for me one day when it might be a bit more feasible with my leaving the ward for a little treat. We will see.
Tim’s parents have arrived from Perth. Wonderful news because now I know he will be kept in line with medication, meals, work load etc. I will concentrate on this job in hand, here.
Goodnight my lovelies. Thank you again for being so patient and sticking with me. I am so grateful. Much love.
In the meantime, Alma is shuffling round and round her bed in her slippers and gown tidying everything yet again. It’s going to be a fun night I can tell. You gotta laugh.