I have today and tomorrow to recuperate from all my ailments such as ulcers, before the day of tests, biops and scans. Thankfully my appetite is putting in an appearance occasionally, and yesterday I managed the short walk from the hospital to the unit with about 3 rest stops. I haven’t been up to visiting the Jam Jar for a smoothie or a meal yet, but Tim has bought a few and brought them up to me in the unit. My taste-buds are not playing the game though, and what might taste ok today, will repulse me the next day. Things I crave at times don’t measure up when they are a reality. I must be bloody hard to live with right now, although I do try hard not to get whingey. I can’t abide whingers.
As far as food goes, I’ve been unable to eat very much at all. Soup is a good backstop of course, and my current fave is mashed spuds with gravy. Last night I lay in bed around 2.30am when my bladder woke me, and imagined cooking a tasty savoury mince dish with fried rice. We’re going to have that tonight – Tim will be the chef as always. I’m looking forward to it too.
Yesterday I enjoyed a very nice chat with Katie about my progress, what I’ve felt and feared so far, and what might occur in the future. So easy to talk to, understanding and rather kind – I always find myself smiling when I leave Katie’s office. Looking at it from her side of the story, it must be a big ‘unknown’ as to how the patient feels when first diagnosed and with each progressive consultation.
Doctors have the experience of dealing with these cancers on the medical side, knowing options that are available and might be used – not totally black and white for them, but with good strong guide lines and procedures set in place. For the patient however there is the big abyss full of unanswered questions and fears. All the what-ifs are there. While talking about my experience, I forgot to mention the 2 nurses, both male who helped me more than the Social Worker, Catholic Chaplain from the hospital, or doctors to get comfort or a bit of an idea of what could be in store; as well as the various possible options, including cell transplant and how that can be achieved by donation or if suitable, produced/nurtured from my own cells.
Craig, the young male nurse from Hervey Bay working in Brisbane, took the time to talk to me one evening when I was in ‘limbo’. The few days after being diagnosed by ENT specialists, but still not accepted by the Oncology guys due to lack of room on their ward – it was a dark place that limbo. Craig, the one least expected to be the caring type if being judged by his looks; dreadlocks, big smile, great tan and lots of talk about surfing, was my first shoulder to cry on. The second was Scott in Ward 5C – a fountain of knowledge, kind, caring, considerate and respectful – explained the disease, the types of chemo used, the likely side affects, the likely outcomes. Those guys will always have a little corner of my grateful heart.
I am at the half way mark of this course of chemo which is good as far as time goes, but it’s beginning to play havoc with my body as well. It seems like the good days are getting fewer and the yuck days are dragging on a bit these days. Hopefully it will turn right around in the coming weeks.
As you all know my hair fell out a few weeks ago now and the hair salon at the hospital took the wispy bits off with the shear things they use. The stubble was obstinate and would not fall out…probably not enough weight on the end of the hairs for gravity to work and encourage it to fall out….who knows? I’m no scientist. Anyway this morning I was so fed up with feeling the sharp stubble while ‘washing’ my hair, I decided to use Tim’s razor that was so conveniently there….. I now have a smooth shiny head. Below is a pic from the back taken by Tim this morning as I sat in the sunshine to get a bit of sun. Let me know what you think. It makes me giggle every time I see it.
On that note I shall leave you and have a nap. I intend keeping up as much strength as I can muster for the big day on Friday, and then of course next Tuesday the chemo starts again with Eric and probably Oscar as well.
Take care everyone. Half way through this chemo….thank you all for sticking by me for as long as this. I appreciate it so much. Much love and big hugs to you all.
Oh, and it’s the birthday for my Mother in Law today. Happy Birthday Mary! We love you and appreciate all you have done and continue to do for us.